CO State Rep. Leslie Michaels Tarred and Feathered!
by Tom Buchanan

April 1, 2001, Denver

Colorado State Representative Leslie Lee Michaels was found Tuesday morning bound and gagged at the base of the Civil War Memorial statue on the west side of the Capitol building. She was drenched from the top of her head to her feet in molasses and covered with turkey feathers. Around her neck was a large sign with bright red letters that stated, "I VOTED AGAINST THE CONSTITUTION." In front of her were poster sized copies of the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights. It was all she had to look at for the fourteen hours she was strapped to the statue.

Ms. Michaels was found around 9:00 AM by a group of history students who arrived for a tour of the Capitol building. "We thought it was a reenactment of a tar and feathering which was a popular deterrent against tyranny during the Revolutionary period instituted by the Sons of Liberty on tax collectors," said one student, "It was so realistic". The group admired the display as Leslie tried to hide her shame. "It was awesome!" declared another student. "We thought they put the display on just for us because we are studying the American Revolution in class."

When Representative Michaels was finally released from her bondage by a State Capitol guard at 9:45 AM, she sobbed uncontrollably and recounted her ordeal. It appears that Ms. Michaels was working on yet another in the series of 'reasonable gun control laws'. She was working late in her office at the Capitol, putting the final touches on her new proposal to stop the 'Classified Ad' loop hole of gun sales. The new legislation would be a defacto ban on the private sales of firearms. It (HB 0666) requires all transactions be done at the business of a Federal Firearms dealer. It requires a back ground check on both the buyer and the seller of any firearm sold in Colorado.

Ms. Michaels stated that as she was walking toward her automobile at 6:30 PM on Monday night a group of people dressed in Revolutionary War costumes quickly over came her, swept her off of her feet and gagged her. They took her around to the West steps of the Capitol which has been a popular location for demonstrations throughout the years. When they got there they relieved her of her outer garments and lashed her to the base of the Civil War Memorial statue. "I was terrified!" she recalled. "If I would have had a gun I may have been able to prevent this horrible experience."

After she was bound to the bronze statue she was tormented by the men and women for more than an hour. "They called me a traitor to freedom and liberty," she said through her tears. "I have heard these types crying out to stop these new laws for years, but I never really thought they were serious." she said.

One person brought out a huge five gallon bucket of molasses and poured it on top of her head. The slowly moving, sticky substance eventually covered her entire body. She said that two women approached her each carrying a large trash bag. One at a time the they dumped the contents of the bags over her. "I will never forget the stench of those turkey feathers as they covered my face. "They taunted me for about fifteen more minutes. They read to me the Declaration of Independence and the Bill of Rights and one of them set those Founding documents in front of my face to study. They threatened me with a return trip if I ever voted against the rights of the individual again. They kept repeating the oath of office that I took whereby I swore to uphold and defend the Constitution," she sheepishly stated.

More surprising was the way Representative Michaels said that her abductors left. "It was so very strange," she said, "As they slowly walked away I heard the distinctive sound of a drum and fife and the far away sound of a lonely bag pipe player. When they got about twenty five feet away they just slowly vaporized into thin air and were gone. It was chilling!

The arrow points to the Civil War Memorial where Rep. Leslie Michaels
was bound, and ceremoniously tarred and feathered by "Ghost Patriots".

After Representative Leslie Michaels cleaned up after the harrowing experience at the hands of what she described as "Ghost Patriots" she announced that she would be taking a week away from her duties to concentrate on studying the Founding documents and to renew her Oath of Office with a new outlook on her duties as a State Representative. Before she left the Capitol grounds she removed from consideration any pending legislation that she had proposed that would in any way restrict the freedom and liberty of the people or grant any more restrictive powers to the government.

Ms. Michaels ended her news conference by saying "I have realized that we can only push people so far! I will take a closer and more careful look at every proposed piece of legislation put before me and ask if this law will inhibit the free will of the people or not. Further more, I will begin the task of repealing any legislation currently on the books that does not pass Constitutional muster. I have seen the light of a new day and I believe I have been shown the way to preserve the Rights of the People and indeed the very State of Colorado and the United States!"

I woke up with a start! The dream had been so real that I rushed out to get the Denver newspaper to look for the story. But alas, it was only wishful thinking, a dream, a work of fiction!

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