Hardcore Christmas Shopping
by Tom Buchanan  11/29/02

It started out innocently enough. My wife Dorié and I were sitting back after the customary Thanksgiving feast enjoying a mouthwatering piece of pumpkin pie smothered with whipped cream. I had begun to watch a movie and think of the things I could do tomorrow since the weather was going to be pleasant. I could finish tanning the elk hide from the earlier hunt or even the unpleasant chore of cleaning the pond filter.

Dorié was making a list. She was going through every sale paper from the past week, checking and rechecking. She was planning her strategy for the following morning mega, mother of all sales days. It is the day when the parking lots of store all across America were jammed full by 6:00 AM and lines formed outside of the doors waiting for the sale to begin. I personally try to avoid department stores during this time of year, especially on the morning after Thanksgiving.

As I watched her through the corner of my eye, I made a remark about how easily Americans can be led like puppets on a string. Retailers have found a way to get people up before the sun to grab the best sales. They could sell their wares for those sale prices at any time during the Christmas buying season. Instead, they chose to create a national shopping day. I went on and ranted for a while longer and she just smiled.

Then she asked me if I would do her a favor and show up at Best Circuit Buy City at 7:00 in the morning when the opened the doors. They had an early morning sale on Gameboys that included a free game. She had two on her list. I felt I was being sucked into the black hole of retailers delight. Who thinks up these things anyway? Of course, I sheepishly answered, “Yes dear.”

I looked over at the alarm clock as it read 5:45 AM. She was up and ready to face the crowds at Walmart and KMART. They opened at 6:00 AM. At once, I felt my first small victory of the morning; I got to sleep an extra hour. I arose from my slumber and made a pot of coffee to jump-start my system for the mission at hand.

It was a twenty-minute drive to the store in Ft. Collins and I arrived a minute or two before 7:00 and there they were, about a hundred people were waiting in line for the opening bell. The lot was full, but I found just about all of the handicapped parking was available. As I slid into a spot, I could not help but think, “Why aren't the handicapped out this early in the morning? Am I the only one?”

As I got out of the truck the line outside was shortening quick as they had opened the doors. I tried not to appear hurried, but I just knew that everyone in line was going for the Gameboy special. I was hoping that this was not a wasted trip.

By the time I had entered the sliding doors of the store the lines at all of the checkouts were already long. I could not believe that everyone found their treasures that quick and were already to head out to the next sale. It reminded me of how it is important to scout ahead and plan your hunt.

I wandered back to the computer department and found the Gameboys on at the end of an isle. There were four different colors and now I had a choice to make, but that was taken away as I examined the packages. Only the silver colored ones had the free game included in the package, although all of the packages were priced the same.

I took a long look at the long line and I thought 'caveat emptor, let the buyer beware'. I did not enjoy the thought of spending time in that line only to find that I had not read the packages to see if they contained the free game. I searched through the display, found two of the special deals, and took my position at the rear of the line.

Now the line did not seem especially long. There were perhaps fifteen people in line actually purchasing something along with family members and friends dragged along for the experience. These are indeed cruel shoppers.

As I stood in a Twilight Zone episode that could have been entitled 'The Line', where unsuspecting folks were trapped into spending eternity waiting to reach the cash register I took notice of the people around me. I paid close attention to shopping strategies of the seasoned shoppers.

A woman asked if me if I was last in line I said, “Yes, and now you are, but I suspect you will not hold that position for long.” In a matter of minutes there were six more people behind her. A while later her two daughters, bringing with them presents galore, joined her in line. One of their gifts was an electronic keyboard. They tried to find out if it would even play on Christmas Day, as it needed either a case of batteries or an AC adapter. A salesperson made the mistake of getting too close to them and had to answer a barrage of questions, which included “Is there an adapter included in the box?” He said probably not, and the store was out of them, but they could get one just about anywhere.

It appears that both of the woman's daughter's husbands were going to get recliners for their Christmas gifts. They were off to the big All American warehouse store when it opened.

A conversation began among those of us standing inline about what a sad situation it was that kids don't ask for the old traditional toys like dolls and other toys that might trigger some imagination. Instead, they all want electronic games designed to keep them amused for hours on end. Yes, we all complained and continued to wait in line to purchase Gameboys, Play Stations and other assorted computer games and game controllers to ensure our children would remain glued to a tube of some sort.

Another group of people caught my attention. It was a family, two ahead of me in line. It was dad and mom, a daughter about 12 years old and a son I guessed to be about 15. These were the most well prepared shoppers that I encountered. As they stood their place in line, the young girl wanted to look around the store. Her dad handed her one of those FRS radios, with the 14 channels and 28 security codes and off she went. They kept in contact as she wandered around the store.

Mom decided she would wait in a line at a different register. Whichever one moved faster the other one would move to that line. She took off with another radio. “Unfair!” I screamed silently. “Tandem shopping ought to be outlawed.” That left father and son to hold down the fort. As most teenaged boys that I know, he got tired of standing in a non-moving line and he went to sit down on the floor.

After another twenty minutes had past, dad got the call from mom that her line was moving faster. Dad signaled to son that they were going over to stand in mom's line. That shortened my wait by one buyer and I wasn't sure if I should still be upset that they were cheating or be glad that my line had just gotten shorter.

As I stood there, I did take notice that the most popular item I saw toted around was the dark blue box containing 'Play Station 2'. It appears as though it is big on a lot of people's wish list. They will all receive a unique gift, just like everyone else.

Noticeably absent from the atmosphere was the Currier and Ives feeling of the Christmas Season. I did not hear any Jingle Bells, White Christmas, The Little Drummer Boy or any other music to get one in the spirit to celebrate the birth of Christ. Instead, there was a mood of competitiveness, a mad rush to get what one came for and get out and on to the next store. I was thankful I was only asked to do this one favor.

When there were only five people left in front of me a store manager dropped by to say that there were some shorter lines at the front of the store. The woman, her daughters, and I expressed skepticism that the lines would still be short by the time we got over there. Everyone in line behind us bolted at the opportunity.

As I got to the counter I began to see what the hold up was. The Gameboys were priced wrong, for one. Every package had to have its super duty security shielding plastic removed and every customer was be made to reveal who they were. What is your phone number? What is your address? Have you shopped here before? All this information had to be entered into the store's customer tracking database no matter if the lines moved slow or not.

My wife and I had made a purchase here a couple of years ago and I was hoping they still had my information in their computer. If they didn't I was thinking about making a scene and refusing to provide my information to them in order to get the line moving for those still in. The young woman asked me for my phone number and she entered it into her combination cash register/data entry machine and said, “Are you Tom?” To which I replied, “Yes.” She did not need any more information from me.

It did make me think, however, now that we are more secure since we now have a Department of Homeland Security, our Big Brother Sam now knows that we have at least two Gameboys at our house.

I received the gift by way of another little victory that almost made the whole trip worthwhile. As I grabbed the bag containing the objects of my venture, I looked over at the register where the radio dad had joined his wife and there was still one person in line ahead of them. They lost three places in line. Yes! I won the battle of the lines!

Yes, whether hunting for big game or the best bargains the morning after Thanksgiving it always pays to scout ahead to know where your quarry is and to get there at first light be for it disappears.

As always, there is a lesson to be learned in every thing we experience in life. Perhaps it is that we need to get back to the true reason for the season, to be a little kinder to strangers and those we love. As Dorié reminds me that we should treat everyday as Christmas.

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